Funny pic/Joke of the day
Moderator: dingo
Re: Funny pic/Joke of the day
Helicopter Crash in Auckland, where they were trying to put up a Christmas Tree with a helicopter
Re: Funny pic/Joke of the day
ACTUARY JOKES (in honour of what I learned today)
An actuary is someone who wanted to be an accountant, but didn't have the personality for it.
bumper sticker: Actuaries do it with varying rates of interest.
An actuary is someone who brings a fake bomb on a plane, because that decreases the chances that there will be another bomb on the plane.
Two actuaries are duck hunting. They see a duck in the air and they both shoot. The first actuary's shot is 20 feet wide to the left. The second actuary's shot is 20 feet wide to the right. The actuaries give each other high fives, because on average they shot it.
An actuary is a person, who passes as an expert on the basis of a prolific ability to produce an infinite variety of incomprehensive figures calculated with micrometric precision from the vaguest of assumptions based on debatable evidence from inconclusive data derived by persons of questionable reliability for the sole purpose of confusing an already hopelessly befuddled group of persons who never read the statistics anyway!
An actuary is someone who'd rather be completely wrong than approximately right.
Question: What do actuaries use as contraceptives? Answer: Their personality; (This is a low probability contingency and can be safely disregarded as a serious liability to be underwritten
)
Definition of CPA: Can't Pass Actuarial exams.
When a marketing officer asked an actuary why he recommended selling more life insurance policies to 98 year olds, the actuary replied, "According to our tables, very few of them die each year."
The ACTUARY's PRAYER (ver 3.01)
Our model, which art in nowhere.
Guessing be thy name.
Thy assumptions come,
Thy will be done in future as it was in the past.
Give us this day our premium rates,
and forgive us our lousy estimates,
as we forgive those who supply us with crappy data.
Lead us not into insolvencies,
and deliver us from auditors.
For thine is the #NAME?, #DIV/0!, and #VALUE!,
forever and ever. Amen.
Question: Why did the actuary put in his will that he is to be buried in Israel? Answer: The chances of resurrection are better there
I think I stole the first 40 of them from here:
http://www.actuarialjokes.com/
An actuary is someone who wanted to be an accountant, but didn't have the personality for it.
bumper sticker: Actuaries do it with varying rates of interest.
An actuary is someone who brings a fake bomb on a plane, because that decreases the chances that there will be another bomb on the plane.
Two actuaries are duck hunting. They see a duck in the air and they both shoot. The first actuary's shot is 20 feet wide to the left. The second actuary's shot is 20 feet wide to the right. The actuaries give each other high fives, because on average they shot it.
An actuary is a person, who passes as an expert on the basis of a prolific ability to produce an infinite variety of incomprehensive figures calculated with micrometric precision from the vaguest of assumptions based on debatable evidence from inconclusive data derived by persons of questionable reliability for the sole purpose of confusing an already hopelessly befuddled group of persons who never read the statistics anyway!
An actuary is someone who'd rather be completely wrong than approximately right.
Question: What do actuaries use as contraceptives? Answer: Their personality; (This is a low probability contingency and can be safely disregarded as a serious liability to be underwritten
)Definition of CPA: Can't Pass Actuarial exams.
When a marketing officer asked an actuary why he recommended selling more life insurance policies to 98 year olds, the actuary replied, "According to our tables, very few of them die each year."
The ACTUARY's PRAYER (ver 3.01)
Our model, which art in nowhere.
Guessing be thy name.
Thy assumptions come,
Thy will be done in future as it was in the past.
Give us this day our premium rates,
and forgive us our lousy estimates,
as we forgive those who supply us with crappy data.
Lead us not into insolvencies,
and deliver us from auditors.
For thine is the #NAME?, #DIV/0!, and #VALUE!,
forever and ever. Amen.
Question: Why did the actuary put in his will that he is to be buried in Israel? Answer: The chances of resurrection are better there
I think I stole the first 40 of them from here:
http://www.actuarialjokes.com/
Re: Funny pic/Joke of the day
I'm slightly tempted to make that for someone, would be hilarious!!
Re: Funny pic/Joke of the day
A comparison of how pop music is written, versus how good music is written!!
